[[ KINDLE ]] ✾ The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did): THE #1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER Author Philippa Perry – Tactical-player.co.uk

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did): THE #1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER Hugely Warm, Wise, Hopeful And Encouraging Alain De Botton So Clear And True Helpful For All Relationships In Life, Not Just Parent Child Nigella LawsonEvery Parent Wants Their Child To Be Happy And Every Parent Wants To Avoid Screwing Them Up But How Do You Achieve That In This Absorbing, Clever And Funny Book, Renowned Psychotherapist Philippa Perry Tells Us What Really Matters And What Behaviour It Is Important To Avoid The Vital Dos And Don Ts Of Parenting Instead Of Mapping Out The Perfect Plan, Perry Offers A Big Picture Look At The Elements That Lead To Good Parent Child Relationships This Refreshing, Judgement Free Book Will Help You To Understand How Your Own Upbringing May Affect Your Parenting Accept That You Will Make Mistakes And Learn What You Can Do About Them Break Negative Cycles And Patterns Handle Your Own And Your Child S Feelings Understand What Different Behaviours CommunicateFull Of Sage And Sane Advice, This Is The Book That Every Parent Will Want To Read And Every Child Will Wish Their Parents Had Interesting book which gives great advice on how to communicate with babies, children and teenagers However the bit about sleep training didn t seem thoroughly researched Perry suggests doing it gently and nudging a child to do this but she has obviously not experienced a baby who screams and cries every half hour through the night for many months or even years imagine the stress for the baby and the parents This can lead to PND, constantly grumpy parents not good for a baby , extreme fatigue and in some cases, can break up relationships Fortunately my baby is a great sleeper we were just lucky but might not be next time but I have known countless friends who have tried nudging their baby to sleep with no success The only thing that has worked in most cases is sleep training which means a few nights of crying but then after, everyone is happy inc baby and parents My brother is 36 and was sleep trained this way and is a happy, secure and sound sleeper In an ideal world, where we lived in large family groups, had support and didn t have to go back to work after 6 12 months then I agree, it might not be necessary but unfortunatly the reality is it is actually very hard for many families Most of us don t have the luxury of not working, having a huge family support system or large amounts of money to get help However the rest of the book is good advice, I just think this is a contentious issue and should have been tactfully put, thinking of individual experiences I can imagine a lot of readers feeling guilty when the reality is, they didn t have any other choice and it s probably done the baby no harm if it is given great love and attention around that. I was a bit apprehensive about reading this My inner critical parent doesn t need much excuse to rear up and undermine me, and I ve got 14 years of being a parent to reflect back on, a fair few of which have been very fraught, so maybe it s too late for this kind of book But very glad I treated myself to it a book that helps soothe that inner voice, whilst helping you reflect on things that you know aren t working with your parenting but you didn t really know why, or what you could do differently Warning you ll probably cry, a kind of reflective, forgiving cry that shifts your mascara half way down your cheeks.A wonderful book that s got me thinking about relationships in general, and my relationship with my son and my parents in particular Thank you. The basic message of this book is sound empathise and sympathise with your child as much as possible She writes well about this.My problem with the book is that it is blindly and one sidedly progressive on every key matter of parenting.So she claims that family structure is irrelevant to children s wellbeing It s just love that matters Well, that s a view, but she implies it s a fact Some research does actually show that having two parents is better for kids than one, even when controlling for socio economic factors Much research confirms the unique benefits of having a father, as they parent differently to mothers on average Of course, this is progressive heresy, as it could stigmatise non traditional families, so Perry ignores this and asserts the progressive line that any kind of family is as good as another All you need is love, as The Beatles sang Maybe, but maybe not Love is very important but it s not everything.Then there is her description of regulator and facilitator parents At first she tries to be even handed and say each to his own But then she describes all the downsides of regulators uptight, selfish against their enlightened facilitator peers loving, responsive, etc Her own preferences bristle through the text.Worst of all is her ignorant treatment of sleep in children If you want an expert view read Matthew Walker s Why We Sleep Or read the Millpond Clinic, who have researched the matter in depth It is a huge disservice to children and their parents not to get them to sleep through the night This need not involve the traumatising cruel abandonment she hysterically and incorrectly describes The idea that children are traumatised by a few nights of disturbed sleep as they learn to sleep and string together sleep cycles without parental interference is not supported by evidence there is one notorious non finding based on rats that most co sleeping advocates cite to defend their sin of omission Denying your child full nights of sleep is cruel and leads to MUCH crying over the long run than sensible sleep training Good sleep is crucial for the physical and mental health of families Not letting your child sleep deeply and independently is a huge mistake for everyone Her proposal of co sleeping is a total disaster She cherry picks a few other foreign cultures where they Co sleep as the norm, ignoring the fact that bad child sleep is overwhelmingly an Anglo American plague since progressive parenting became orthodoxy read French Children Don t Throw Food for some key references here And cultures in Africa and Asia she approvingly cites for Co sleeping do all sorts of things we d never dream of in the West Why seek African wisdom on this and not on female genital mutilation Again, progressives cherry pick any examples that support their case Please read a proper sleep expert baby whisperer also good and don t go with the trauma obsessed psychotherapist hereI also think this book is a case of everything looking like a nail because all she has is the hammer of psychotherapy She constantly recommends looking into your own childhood to explain why you find your child irritating occasionally Perhaps this is relevant sometimes But not always or even most times, in my view For example, I find my colleagues irritating sometimes, not because I had traumatic colleagues as a child as I obviously had none Some behaviour is just irritating, regardless of your childhood experience.I recommend reading the chapter in Jordan Peterson s book 12 Rules for Life, called Don t let your children do anything that makes you dislike them He goes too far towards the conservative disciplinarian approach for me, but it s a good corrective to Perry s dogmatic left wing approach thinly disguised as non judgmental.

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